why won't they tell me

well i'm wasting my time
because there's nothing else to do
and i'm wasting my time...
because i've got nothing else to lose

those cigarettes they burn..
and my glass is half full

23. there's no place like home

on and on and on
nothing ever ends
this is just the beginning
this is just the end

21. vices

this vice is slowly killing me
her grip slowly tightens
and i've been staring at the same scene
for days on end
and days to come

it's all the same to me
it's all the same to me
it's all the same to me
it's all the rage these days

i hear you calling me
calling out my name
just when you're gone
it's calling out
pulling me back in

and it's all the same to me
it's all the same to me
it's all the same to me
it's all the rage these days

so don't wake me up tomorrow
let me sleep in
leave me be, don't mind the stench
it's a strange disposition that we're in
damn this love heart of mine

so it's all the same to me
it's all the same to me
it's all the same to me
it's all the rage these days

20. more than friends.

some wrong turns
and the race was won
and i was second best
though i see you as more
you'll always see me as less

how did we come to this?
a conclusion that this was it?
touching and feeling but there's nothing there?
whispering secrets, but none between the both of us?

and the gaps in time
the fragrant solitude
the songs that play on the radio
well, they still somehow remind me of you

and we'll never know
the chase was over
and you're a distant memory
now that you're writing it with someone new

and i'll just fade
like it never happened, like it never did
just walking past each other
like two strangers on a crowded street

19. meaning

if i could put my finger on it
i'd pick up all the pieces
and put them back together
one at a time
carefully and painstakingly
just so i could remember
what it was before when i had a reason
to live
or to die
anything just for a meaning to exist
even if it were just a shard
it would be better than
being perfect.

17. why

if i were to remember when
it was a time that wasn't right
the crossing of paths
and our eyes never met

if there was a clue
it might have been when you showed up
when you said yes
and you availed yourself
and the pieces seemed to fit

if i was to realise
that we were different
but looking for the same thing
and that stars started to align

if i were to plunge
there's a risk
a sacrifice
that you don't feel the same way
and my heart would break
maybe that's when i knew i'd already set myself apart for you

and if i were to know
about happily ever afters
or cuts and tears
i wouldn't try

but i'm trying, that's all i can do
try to know
try to work it out
try to feel the same way
try to be where you are
and not to hurt you
but trying's all i can do
for now.

16. nirvana

let darkness invade your senses
blind your eyes
mask the smell
cover your ears
bland the taste
paralyse the feeling
and your consciousness will be pure
the singularity of humanity preserved
seeking its true intent and purpose
knowing only what was meant to be
curse these senses
these perceptions
these predispositions
what does your soul long for?

15. windowless eyes to your soul

when there's no more guilt or shame
when only love remains
i will fix my eyes on you
and never let you go
never let the light leave my eyes
till this fire burns out
and only the core remains

flee while you can
crystalise and discipline
all the shards of discontent
specks of sin within

and there's nothing left to lose
nothing left to gain
nothing that means anything, anymore
empty, hollow and concentrated
the blitzing of our lives and deaths.